Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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