Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
