I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
