we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize