buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
