if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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