my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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