At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
