so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
