Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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