I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
