I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
