No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my liver is dry heaving
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
