Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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