why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize