best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
