just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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