I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
