thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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