I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
