We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
