It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
