i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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