I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
