i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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