worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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