I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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