If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
