I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
