she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
