Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We left an ass print on the piano.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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