Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
