omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How does one acquire holy water?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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