i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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