I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
