i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
