And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize