Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize