are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
