she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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