Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
