I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
