I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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