Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
