I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
