I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
