He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
