I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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