What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
