we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize