..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
