The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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