It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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