Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
