I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize