I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize