I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
