thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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