At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
