I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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