Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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