i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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