there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
