You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
should my penis look like a turkey
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize