You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
