He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
