Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
