hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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