the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
