I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
