Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
