after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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